Geoff Kirby’s Author And Publishing Website


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Poo, Pee and Paper *

Breast Health and Bra Comfort *

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St Paul’s Harriers History

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Poo, Pee and Paper

Humanity’s intimate relationship with its bodily waste.

This book is being written.

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The man on the left is drunkenly having problems “Pointing Percy At The Porcelain!”

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Nineteenth century “Night Soil Men” collecting Londoners’ human waste early in the morning. This was transported out of the city and sold to farmers as fertilizer

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On the right is a special urinal for exceptionally well endowed men.

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Bristol Infirmary Poo Identification Chart

Pooing and peeing is now something that we prefer to do in private and not to give much thought to unless we are constipated or restricted to close proximity to a toilet due to over enthusiasm in the Indian restaurant the previous evening when drunkenly ordered “The hottest dish on the menu!” Once you have flushed the toilet and casually watched the poo, pee and paper slip around the bend you probably don’t worry what it is made up of or where it goes next. 

This book will explain that your gut may contain as many as 100 trillion bacteria belonging to over one thousand species. So, how can we visualise that huge number? If you were to make a pile of sand with 100 trillion grains it would be about 150 feet high!

Your gut ecosystem is as complicated and vulnerable as any rain forest.

Skara Brae is a large Neolithic settlement on the Bay of Skaill on the Orkney Islands off the north coast of Scotland. It was occupied roughly 5,000 years ago. The dwellings contain some of the earliest examples of indoor toilets.

The Babylonian, Minoan and Roman civilisations all had relatively sophisticated toilet systems - many communal. Where better to sit and put the world to rights?

Mediaeval castles had their ‘Garderobe’ toilets which stank so badly that best clothes were hung up in the stench because the moths would not live there!

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A Modern Earth Closet as used by the author.


Using an 18th century bidet.

The  first mechanically flushed inside toilet was invented in 1596 by Sir John Harington, who was Queen Elizabeth’s godson, and he installed it in his mansion and in his Godmother’s residence - the first “Royal Flush” so to speak?

And yet, by the middle of the nineteenth century indoor toilets were still a rarity owned by the rich.

Raw sewerage oozing up between the floorboards in slum bedrooms in Dorset was the cause of a deadly cholera epidemic as witnessed by the Rev. Moule in Fordington as he visiting his dying parishioners. He saved countless lives by inventing a cheap and effective ‘Dry Earth Closet’ to collect and store their human waste safely. 

The picture at left is a modern Earth Closet which the author was delighted to use in a remote Suffolk graveyard knowing that his excrement was going to be used as manure on a local vegetable garden.

The picture at right shows that the public providers of toilets are now making provision for those men who are exceptionally well endowed.

This fully illustrated book will take the reader on a five thousand year exploration of toilet and sewerage developments right up to the ‘zero gravity’ toilet facilities on spacecraft, toilets in the USA reinforced for users weighing up to 40 stones (560 pounds), the liberating Sheewee devices  that enable women to pee standing up, an explorer’s claimed experience of using a toilet on a Flying Saucer - and very much more!

This book is being written so why not use the waiting time to get familiar with your poo courtesy of the Bristol Infirmary “Spotter’s Guide” Identification Chart?


Can you answer these questions?

(Answers to these and many more questions will be in my book)

Why would an 18th century canal boat owner in the Midlands be angry to be asked “Are you taking the piss?

How many trees are chopped down each year worldwide to be made into toilet paper?

What’s the connection between bidets and trotting ponies?

How many tonnes of toxic untreated sewerage containing condoms, sanitary pads, etc., is still being pumped into the River Thames?

Why does asparagus make some people’s pee smell bad but not others?

Ale or Cider LR

Recycling at its simplest!